What belongs to you?

No, I’m not talking about clothing or teacups or books.

I’m talking about the parts of our lives that we surrender, or never claim.  I’m talking about the day you realized you were the ‘wrong body type’ to dance anymore, or didn’t have good enough legs to wear those sorts of skirts.  When did you realize you’d never play the guitar in front of an appreciative audience, or that your car wasn’t safe enough to set out on an impromptu road trip because now there are two kid car-seats in the back?

How many pieces of yourself did you leave behind in the last five, ten, twenty or thirty-five years?

We all do it. The noisy little motorcycle breaks down and is never replaced.  The outrageous hats are left on the shelf.  You go to hop over a fence one day, and your body remembers how but your muscles reply  "Not bloody likely!"  And there you are, going, Whoops, when did I stop being the person who could kick start the little Honda trail bike?  When did I start thinking that I had to dress like someone’s Mom instead of myself?  When did wisteria oil become a sometimes luxury instead of my trademark scent?

Who did you leave behind on your way to being a sensible grown up who lives within a budget of both time and money?

Some of those people, of course, deserve to fall by the wayside. I was glad to see some of my friends stop dabbling in the more dangerous drugs, stop drinking and driving, stop serial dating of really creepy people.  It’s good to grow up and leave those shades of ourselves behind. 

But there are other pieces of my friends, and pieces of myself that I miss and wish they hadn’t got lost along the way.

So.

I don’t dance anymore.
I haven’t gone mushroom hunting right after a rainfall in probably thirty years.
I haven’t gone trout fishing since we left Alaska.

Who and what have you left behind?
Is it possible to take that part of yourself back?

Megan

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7 Comments »

 
  • 2eclipse says:

    hmmmm…..the me who played the bagpipes. and was going to spend a summer working as crew on a tallship and who might have been a singer.

  • erikh says:

    So, when is it too late to take it back and make it yours? That’s the real question.

    I don’t think I’ll ever go out dancing again, and that’s all it ever was, not the sort of dancing as performance.

    But trout fishing and mushroom hunting . . . I think that’s just a case of me saying to myself, ‘but that was important, and I’m going to make time for it again.’

    Are the bagpipes hung on a hook somewhere, waiting for a visit?

    ML

  • 2eclipse says:

    it is certainly not too late, like you said, it is a matter of making time. and something would have to give….like the me who volunteers with adult literacy programs and the me who spins her own yarn…..i’m tempted to part with the me who plays computer games, but that is a me who spends time with the husbeast…..so that’s rather important.
    the bagpipes meanwhile, sit behind a chair and call to me from time to time to come practice. i haven’t entirely given up on them….but they need a serious commitment to really make me a piper again.

  • 2eclipse says:

    it is certainly not too late, like you said, it is a matter of making time. and something would have to give….like the me who volunteers with adult literacy programs and the me who spins her own yarn, or the me who makes soap…..i’m tempted to part with the me who plays computer games, but that is a me who spends time with the husbeast…..so that’s rather important.
    the bagpipes meanwhile, sit behind a chair and call to me from time to time to come practice. i haven’t entirely given up on them….but they need a serious commitment to really make me a piper again.

  • 2eclipse says:

    also sorry about the duplicate. lj was being ornery.

  • rixelstudios says:

    I haven’t swam laps for over 10 years now and i’ve only recently begin to actually get back into the water although it’s still a long uphill battle to get back to swimming properly.
    I haven’t really picked up a video camera to make a film project since University. I’ve been telling myself it’s equipment that holds me back although even if I had the equipment I haven’t put enough thought into any ideas to actually develop a strong enough plot for a short film.

  • erikh says:

    Use what you have. Even if it’s a crummy old camera.

    I’ve seen your work, and I know that your vision will still come through.

    Sometimes having the fanciest equipment can actually get in the way. You start to feel obligated to use all those doo-dads and thingummies, when actually, it’s all about the story.

    Always the story.

    Polaroids of story boards would be enough if the story was good.

    And I think you know good stories.

    M