Life as a Pseudonym

So, get this.

I’m down here on the keyboard, trying to get a few words onto thescreen, because I don’t actually get all that much time to myself on the keyboard anymore.  In fact, I don’t get any time on the keyboard until Robin Hobb has cranked out her 1000 or 2000 or whatever it is words for the day.  Anyway, I’m down here, typing away, and Robin’s assistant comes in and starts on that landslide of file folders in the corner.  She’s pulling them out and opening them and saying, "What IS this stuff?" and "Everything in here is totally unrelated to each other," and little mutters like that.

So, to be nice, you know, I say, "Hey, I had a little extra time yesterday, so I filed some of that stuff for you."

Does she say thank you?


She goes, "What?  Let me see!"  And she jerks open the filing drawer and says, "OMG!  You used the wrong color of file folders, and you didn’t put the labels on the file tabs before you wrote on them, and you used green sharpie instead of black!"  And she starts pulling them back out of the filing cabinet and putting them on the floor and then she gets out her stickers and her black sharpie and starts ‘fixing’ all of them.  Showing me just how super efficient she is.

And when she puts them back, she goes, "You file things backwards. Real people put the file labels at the front of the file, like this.  So when you open the drawer, you can just run your fingers over them and when you come to the right one, you can just open it."

‘Real people.’  Great.  Like, does she think I do not know that I’m a pseudonym?  Hello!!!  I’ve been a pseudonym since the first day I put words on papers, and it wasn’t yesterday!  ‘Real people’.  What kind of a slam is that?  What sort of exclusionist attitude is she masking here, that’s what I’d like to know. Does she think that I do not know about her pseudonyms? 

I just don’t know where she gets off, copping that attitude with me.  It would be very interesting to know if Robin knows how she talks!


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