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Biography

Megan Lindhom is yet another imaginary person who writes books. 

 

To make a Megan Lindholm you will need:

 

  • a good quantity of ribbons and yarn
  • boots suitable to attend a quest
  • a button box filled with buttons
  • fruitcake - preferrably wrapped in foil
  • a spiral notebook or a yellow legal pad
  • a blue or black ball point pen
  • an empty coffee cup
  • four dollars - change is acceptable.
  • a knit hat
  • a nearly empty peanut butter jar.
  • a leather bag, or purse or some other sort of carrying thing.

 

Step one: prepare by giving the peanut butter jar to a dog to lick out.  Put on the boots and snug your cap on properly.  Optional: tie hair back in an elastic.

 

Combine the remaining items together in the carry bag,  in whatever quantity, on a Wednesday before a Tuesday, when the rabbit in the moon is off in someone else's garden.  Go to the nearest cheap diner.  Sit at the counter and give the children the button box to sort or the ribbons to braid or string buttons on.  Using the change, order a bottomless cup of coffee and be sure to leave all the change as tip for the waiter or waitress. Take up the ballpoint pen, press it to the paper and make letters to make words to result in sentances.  Eventually you may have a paragraph.  If you keep going in the hours between midnight and noon, at any interval or just after lunch and right before 11:59PM, you may someday have a book.

 

At some point you will realize you are a writer.  Here is the tricky part, so be careful as you take it out of the oven.  No writer is exactly alike, so you most likely won't have a Megan Lindholm.  You are going to have to name your writer.

 

Once made, treat your writer well.  Do not allow it to play on Twitter overmuch, as there are no crosswalks and writers can sometimes be hit hard by words flying around there.  Try to keep your writer off Facebook, it is not good for their health and may lead to vitamin deficincies.  Encourage your writer to frequent bookstores, locally grown coffeeshops, and above all libraries.  It is proven that the soothing sound of book pages being turned can make your writer grow to a better height.

 

If your writer is acting up, consider letting them repreat this exercise and make another writer.  See: Recieipes for Making A Robin Hobb- which started out as a cake and alarmingly overgrew the pan in the oven and became something else entirely.

 

 

 Excerpt from:  Homemade Jam and Other Recipes, by Kat Ogden